I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
