Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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