every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
