She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
