I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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