i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
