I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
