maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
