I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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