But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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