i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
