Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
