i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
