Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize