I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
