I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
