Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were trust falling into bushes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
