I wish my penis had an off switch
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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