so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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