Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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