I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
