Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
