Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I met the friendliest cop last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
