I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
