So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
