I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
