At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
