I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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