That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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