i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
