Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
