You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
