If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
