Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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