U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
