yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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