he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
