And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
