the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
