I hate all girls vehemently.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
