His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
