you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
