just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
