I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
