He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
