Those balls look pretty dangerous.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
