i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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