i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My life is pants optional.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize