I think I am morally bankrupt
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
