I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
