I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
