Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
