i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
