I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
