He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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