I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
