Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
