He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
