Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
