It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
