My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
