How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she looked like the before picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
