Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
