his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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