Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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