I hate all girls vehemently.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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