they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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