You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
