I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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