the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
