Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
