If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
