I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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