I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Terrible idea I love it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
