I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
