I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
