well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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