Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
