I cannot find my penis.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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