i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
