At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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